Almost a year later ...

The last year has been a total crazy whirlwind. As things got busy and crazy, I had trouble organizing my thoughts to blog. The more time passed, the more there was to write about, and the more complicated it became to get my thoughts in order. I also really struggled with depression before and after the baby's birth so my motivation was really nonexistent. 

So nearly a year later, here I am restarting my blog. I have a lot to share and it may take me a little while to put each update together.  At the very least, I'm working on the following posts:

* Pre-term labor and bed rest

* Birth story

* PPCM

Those should get us up to date and then we will switch over to blogging about current events. 

Thanks for reading!

Glucose test

Blessedly, I didn't have any issues getting the flat orange soda drink down. But as I sit here for an hour, this nasty aftertaste in my mouth is annoying. I would give anything to drink some water!

I need these test results to come back normal. I don't know if I can take it if there is one more complication in my pregnancy. I'm so tired.

Way overdue update

I have been MIA for too long ... but that's a post for another time.  In quick summation, the last few months have been chock-full of all things pregnancy, and baby boy is doing really well (I get to see him often because I have extra ultrasounds due to my "high-risk" status.

I'm 25 weeks along, and throughout my pregnancy the doctors have told me that there is a possibility of early delivery due to my fibroids.  It's always been in the context of all of the possibilities as a result of the fibroids - degeneration, c-section, etc.  And I've always taken them seriously - especially after my first big bout with degeneration in December which landed me in the ER with a morphine drip - but I always thought we were talking weeks 36-38 or something.

Today, I saw my OB for my regular appointment.  The heartbeat was nice and strong, but I'm measuring really big (have been throughout this entire pregnancy) at 32 cm.  I was telling her that I had visited both of the hospitals where she delivers, and had decided on the one a little further away.  She told me that I wouldn't be able to deliver at the closer hospital anyway because they won't deliver before 35 weeks.  My OB said that we are hoping to carry to 34 weeks!  Whaaaat?!?!?  I was not expecting that.  Basically she said that she anticipates that the fibroid(s) will cause me to go into labor early.  And I see the perinatologist again on the 28th, so I will talk to him about it then as well.  However, he hinted at it as well at my appointment two weeks ago when he told me that he wants me to take my Indocin at the first inkling of pain, because he doesn't want me to go into labor.  And apparently the medication isn't okay in 3rd trimester, so I'm not sure what we do at that point.
A few days ago, I posted on my birth quarter thread that the 15 weeks left seemed so soon because I felt behind on everything.  9 weeks or less is WAY more overwhelming.  I'm truly excited to meet my little boy, but I certainly want him to stay in until fully cooked.  My emotions are all over the place right now.  It just feels so crazy to me that my doctor would basically tell me to prepare for a preemie.   I haven't fully processed this yet, and I'm holding out hope that my OB is wrong and we'll go full-term.  All of this "wait and see" is kinda driving me batty.

I don't really have a specific question, but wonder if anyone had any experience with their doctor predicting a significantly early arrival? 

I also have a meeting next week with the HR Director and my boss to discuss plans for my maternity leave (my role is key and, while we are hiring additional staff for my department for the upcoming school year, I'm currently a department of 1).  My "plan" was to stop working at week 38.  I've previously talked to my boss a little about the possibility of going out early or on bed rest (given time out after my ER visit, some other time off due to pain, and extra doctors' appointments - another colleague is due 6 weeks before me and has had to miss significantly less work, and I didn't want them to think I was just being flaky), and I'm wondering if I should share more information at this point?  Or have work just "wait and see"?  I'm a huge planner, and I don't want to leave them in the lurch, because it will just bite me later when I return from maternity leave.

Ugh.  So this turned out to be kind of a pitiful "woe is me" vent.

Full bladder

Why oh why must they torment us with a full bladder rule for ultrasounds when bladder control is at its weakest?

Waiting for my first trimester screening now. 20 minutes past appointment time. 4 women who came in after me already went in. And I got here early to do the paperwork well before my appointment time.

I'm not that bothered by the fact that they're late except I REALLY need to pee. Like afraid I will pee during the ultrasound. Oh my.

10 week appointment update

Appointment went well. The reception area is a bit decrepit, and the wait was forever (I had a long wait in the room too), but the time with the doctor was actually okay. The exam room was clean, she explained everything that was going on, and asked several times if I had any questions. She's a bit brusque, but that doesn't actually bother me - I'm much more likely to be bothered by fluff and too much peppiness. I will still check out another OB or two, but I will go ahead and schedule my next appointment - I can always change it if I find a doctor who is a better fit for me. I will have my NT scan sometime in the next three weeks - it's actually at a separate ultrasound facility so that works.

News from the appointment:
Fibroid is apparently the reason that I'm looking so pregnant. Exact words from the doctor: "Whoa! That's a big fibroid! Looks like 5 months pregnant!" She talked with me about the potential risks with the fibroid: pre-term labor, needed c-section, possible degeneration of the fibroid which would be extremely painful (like appendicitis). But there's nothing you can do but wait and see, and if something happens, we deal with it then. There is so much waiting in this baby-making game. :)

TMI alert: apparently my cervix is long and closed, and that is good? Closed I get. I don't really understand about long, but I'll take good. I like good.

AND ... I heard the heartbeat!

I wasn't holding out any hope since I'm exactly 10 weeks today (although I look twice that!), so even when she said we would listen, I was thinking we wouldn't be able to hear anything and I was trying to psych myself up so I would be okay with it without freaking out. So she has the doppler on my belly and I hear the swishy sound (apparently the background noise of my uterus), and the doctor says: "There's the baby's heartbeat. Do you hear it?" And I'm like, "No." What I was hearing was definitely not the baby's heartbeat. So now I'm losing faith in the doctor. But she perseveres. After what feels like 20 minutes - which was really probably only about 2.5 - with her face really intense, gaze focused sternly at the wall (why the wall? No idea), she says: "There it is!" And there it was - my baby's heartbeat! Wow. In some ways it's a little creepy - there's a little person with a heartbeat inside. It's totally different to hear the heartbeat than to just see it on the screen (maybe some part of me thought someone was photo shopping a baby for my sonogram pics? I don't know what nonsense goes through my ridiculous mind). It's really real. And because of the timing, I will have 2 more appointments in the next 4 weeks - the NT scan, which will give me more pictures of my baby, and my next OB appointment 4 weeks from today. So 2 more opportunities for reassurance, and then I'll be in trimester #2!