Fortune Cookie

This evening I ate a fortune cookie (no Chinese food ... ate that Sunday, but forgot the fortune cookie ... is the fortune still valid if it's not combined with Chinese food?) and it said:

Your career is moving more and more towards service to others.

 I find this mysterious because:  (a) I'm in the process of changing jobs for the first time in 8 years, and (b) I work in education, which is already in service to others.  I don't believe in fortune cookie fortunes (especially since mine usually say something really wise and enlightening like "Your name starts with a capital letter"), but the timing was interesting since I nearly quit my job about 3 times today.

I should hang that fortune in my office.  :)

 

Remind Me Again: Why Did I Change Jobs?

So the last few days have been a bit wonky.  Work is just weird.  I'm still not really sure what my new job is, and from  what I can tell, it's not really the new job I originally signed up for.  It seems like a lot lower level position -- good from a reduce-stress, improve-work-life-balance, get-pregnant standpoint; however, I'm not sure I will be able to tolerate a job that I find more annoying than professionally challenging.  I've never had this kind of job, and I feel WAY over-qualified (is that presumptuous of me?).  Maybe it's just the change, and I need to finish settling in.  Besides, I've never been a fan of preparing to get ready for work after the weekend anyway ... I am the queen of the Sunday evening blues!

I don't typically dream like other people - I often have dreams that recur for multiple days, as the storyline tries to work itself out (I think it's the OCD in me ...).  Recently, I keep having this dream where I adopt triplets throughout some complicated, last-minute legal maneuvering.  As exciting as this is (at least in part because I would get to take immediate leave from work ... see earlier whining about work), it's also really scary because I'm still so far from ready to actually be a mom (not in the emotional sense, but in the technical/logistics sense).  I feel that I could care for a child or two (three is stretching it a bit) as a caregiver and mom, but there are still so many technical/logistical things to figure out and prepare:  where to live, what that means for work, saving money so that I can buy what's needed, etc.  I know in my heart that if things worked out that I could adopt today or tomorrow, I would go through with it and have faith that the Lord would provide what was needed for my child.  The Type A in me still wants to plan, plan, plan.

I wonder too, if the dreams are also a result of this waiting game to find out whether I will even be able to have my own biological child ... did my subconscious just switch over to adoption dreams to compensate?

Update ... Sort of

So I finally talked to the nurse today to get the verdict on my MRI films. We've been playing phone tag for days.

She said that the doctor reviewed the films and wants me to have the HSG test done before making a decision. I'm not sure what the HSG test has to do with a fibroid outside of my uterus, so I may see another doctor for advice.

But in the meantime, we're in the "wait and see" period. (someone said there's a whole lotta waiting when TTC!)

No news ... Is good gnus?

So .... I didn't hear from my doctor today and the day was so crazy (more about that later) that I didn't have time to call. I did receive an email from the nurse saying they need to see my MRI films before the doctor can give his opinion. So I will drop off the films tomorrow.

And the wait continues.

In work news I sorta started my new job today. It was weird. I'm used to the hustle and bustle of being inside a school with kids. It was very bizarre to come off of vacation (during the school year - bizarre enough in itself) and go to a very quiet office. Wonder if I'll ever get used to this.

I'm currently straddling 2 jobs which has its own stress, especially as not sure yet what is expected of me in my new job. Here's hoping all goes well!

How'd I Get Here?

I read a lot of TTC blogs, though I am one of those people who reads and never comments (hopefully, by setting up my own blog I will be able to post comments - I am not-so-especially savvy with all of the communication technology, and could never figure out how to post a comment without listing my email address for all to see!).  As I've been reading, I have really been considering restarting journaling to better track my own TTC journey.  Since I type faster than I write by hand, I thought this might be a good way to record this journey, and maybe even make some connections while I'm at it.

So what's my story?

I never really felt like the cliched woman who looked back and thought "I focused on my career instead of family."  I am very driven and highly committed to my work (in education) and have been blessed to have a rapid rise up the career ladder.  But I never felt that I was working in spite of having children, or putting off family until a later date.  In my case, career pieces kept falling into place and love life/family planning unfortunately did not.  I've had a few great relationships (with endings that weren't so great), but haven't yet found the one with whom to spend my life and have a family.  Notice I said "yet" - while I am no longer waiting for Mr. Right in order to have a child, I am still looking forward to one day meeting him and inviting him to be a part of my life.

I've lived in four cities outside of my hometown, and I'm currently trying to decide where I will finally settle.  If all goes well with my road to conception, I will need to make the decision within the year.  I'm consulting a lot on this issue with my family, since option #1 is in California, 3000 miles from my East Coast hometown, yet I want my family close by.  I moved back East 3 years ago because it was too hard for me to live so far away from my niece and nephew, who I love like they are my own (and a visit to my home would show it through photos of them and their artwork all throughout several rooms!).   So my parents and I are talking, and I'm trying to convince them that they would love to retire in California!  It is my dream to have my child(ren) stay with my mom when I am working.

I will likely adopt in the future, as I have always (since about 10 years old) felt passionately about adopting - particularly older children who otherwise remain in the system, since so many people want to adopt babies.  But I've always wanted to have my own biological child.  And my 35th birthday really put the fire under my behind to take some action.  The decision to become a Single Mother by Choice was not an arduous one for me - I'm professionally and financially stable, have a career that would allow me to relocate easily (once I decide on a city!), have a great support network of family and friends, and I want to be a mother more than anything.

I've spent the last 9 months in the "thinking" and "planning" stages and I'm ready to begin.  I even changed my job for a much less stressful job with more normal hours (I expect ... I don't start until tomorrow).  Unfortunately, my first RE visit included an ultrasound which revealed a large uterine fibroid.  I've had my MRI for more detailed analysis and expect to hear from the doctor tomorrow, but from what he could tell at the ultrasound, I will need to have surgery, which has put my baby-making efforts on hold for a moment.  The good news is that I've now officially started the process with my RE, and will be able to schedule my first IUI after the surgery to remove the fibroid.

So ... welcome to my blog.  Here's to random ramblings, thoughtful musings, baby dust, and BFPs!

~ Dove