So the last few days have been a bit wonky. Work is just weird. I'm still not really sure what my new job is, and from what I can tell, it's not really the new job I originally signed up for. It seems like a lot lower level position -- good from a reduce-stress, improve-work-life-balance, get-pregnant standpoint; however, I'm not sure I will be able to tolerate a job that I find more annoying than professionally challenging. I've never had this kind of job, and I feel WAY over-qualified (is that presumptuous of me?). Maybe it's just the change, and I need to finish settling in. Besides, I've never been a fan of preparing to get ready for work after the weekend anyway ... I am the queen of the Sunday evening blues!
I don't typically dream like other people - I often have dreams that recur for multiple days, as the storyline tries to work itself out (I think it's the OCD in me ...). Recently, I keep having this dream where I adopt triplets throughout some complicated, last-minute legal maneuvering. As exciting as this is (at least in part because I would get to take immediate leave from work ... see earlier whining about work), it's also really scary because I'm still so far from ready to actually be a mom (not in the emotional sense, but in the technical/logistics sense). I feel that I could care for a child or two (three is stretching it a bit) as a caregiver and mom, but there are still so many technical/logistical things to figure out and prepare: where to live, what that means for work, saving money so that I can buy what's needed, etc. I know in my heart that if things worked out that I could adopt today or tomorrow, I would go through with it and have faith that the Lord would provide what was needed for my child. The Type A in me still wants to plan, plan, plan.
I wonder too, if the dreams are also a result of this waiting game to find out whether I will even be able to have my own biological child ... did my subconscious just switch over to adoption dreams to compensate?
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