Telling Folks

I'm trying to figure out why I haven't told my family yet.  I talked with them about my plans and they are really supportive.  They especially love the fact that I'm most likely going to move back home (it's been 20 years since I lived there) to be closer to family support.  But I've been avoiding the call.  At first I told myself I would wait until the beta so that I could be sure.  Now I've had beta results since Friday, and I still haven't called.  Am I waiting for the next beta?  Why?  Am I waiting for ultrasound a few weeks from now?

 

Sometimes my pregnancy and the fact that there is a baby growing inside me doesn't seem real yet.  Especially since the twingey belly symptoms all seemed to have been related to the initial creation of the baby (fertilization and implantation) because I've had almost none since.  I am truly grateful to not be vomiting or hating food - I like food way too much.  So maybe that's the reason?  I definitely think it's part of the reason why I keep testing every day.

The people I have told are my best friend and friends who have been following my TTC story with me - one with kids of her own, one who is about 21 weeks pregnant, and a couple who also used donor sperm to conceive their 2 children.  There is also a close single friend of mine who I haven't told yet.  No idea why not. 

I do want to talk to my sister.  Somehow I don't have much recollection of talking about details with her during her pregnancy.  I don't remember when she found out she was pregnant, when she found out she was having twins, what her symptoms were like, etc.  I'm thinking I will call her today.  I'm pretty sure I will need to tell my parents immediately after though.  My mom will be soooo upset if I don't tell her myself.  Although, I think she was the one who told me that my sister was pregnant initially.

There's one more thing that I believe feeds into my feelings about telling these other folks.  I desperately want to know how many babies I'm having.  If it's more than one, I think I feel that this will justify the poor fertility numbers (FSH and AMH) because it could be proof that I ovulate more than one egg per cycle, thereby reducing the number of eggs I have left.  And I've always wanted "twins on the first try" (that used to be what I said during my teens and twenties).  If I'm growing a singleton, that's truly wonderful too!  I just want to be a mom!  And then there are the periodic dreams of triplets.  Those dreams are a bit more nerve-wracking now that I AM pregnant, because being a triplet mom on my own feels exponentially harder than being a singleton or twin mom on my own.  Yet, it still would be truly exciting.  I just want to be a mom!  I'm thinking that's why I didn't say anything to the nurse when she set my appointment for "blood work and an ultrasound".  I think my subconscious (and even my conscious) mind is hoping to get a look-see soon to find out how many sacs and babies are growing inside.

Today, I am pregnant, and in the spring I'm going to become a parent!  I guess it doesn't matter who I tell now or 3 weeks from now, or at the end of the first trimester.  I'm going to have a baby (or more).  I'm going to be a mom!  I guess technically I am a mom now.  My baby/babies just haven't arrived yet.  :)